


seventeen

by Dogslovepizza



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Steven Universe Needs Therapy, Suicidal Thoughts, indirect reference to cactus steven, no one is mentioned by name but (i hope) we all know who he’s talking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-20 23:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22551799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dogslovepizza/pseuds/Dogslovepizza
Summary: a short view into steven’s mind
Comments: 3
Kudos: 72





	seventeen

why can’t i be good enough for you?

for them?

what  _ happened  _ between then and now?

i used to be good enough

_ used  _ to be

why is everything crashing down on me _now_?

when i thought we could finally be happy together

without the threat of death constantly looming over us

but guess  _ what _ ?

...we’re not even safe now, let alone _happy_

at least,

_ i’m _ not

_why_ am i _not_?

i mean, i  _ know _ why not. I’m not  _ that _ clueless. being everybody else’s therapist while keeping everything  _ i  _ have bottled up isn’t exactly the easiest job

for  ~~ fu  ~~ goodness’s sake, i was  _ fourteen _

i was only a child

i  ~~ couldn’t ~~ can’t even open up to you guys because i’m scared of how you’d react

what would you think of me if you saw me like  _ this _ ?

i can’t worry you like this

not again

i was so lucky that you guys let me go after that happened

even though all signs pointed to no,

you guys still let me leave

_ why  _ did you guys let me leave?

am i  _that_ _useless_ now?

i did to him what you guys did to me and i didn’t even notice

_i_ _didn’t_ _notice_

how many times have i done it before?

did i just not notice?

or was this the first time?

_ god _ , i hope it was the first time

  
at least he left before i could make it worse

he _chose_ to leave me

if you guys had the _choice_ , i wouldn’t even know about you

but i guess even though she’s gone, you still feel like you have a debt to her

a debt you want to repay by taking care of _me,_

but, instead of getting Rose 2.0, you got _me,_

but

reasonably, you _should_ have problems, i _shouldn’t_

  
_you_ knew  her

_ i didn’t _

_ you  _ suffered through a war

_ i didn’t  _

_ you  _ saw your friends and family die

_** i didn’t ** _

and yet i feel like this

why?

when  everything  has worked out for me?

maybe not at first, but

it  always  worked

and yet i think i have the right to feel like this

what would happen if my gem was shattered?

if ‘someone’ just came by and shattered it?

wouldn’t that be sad?

such a  tragedy

but, oh well,

it was unavoidable

maybe you’d mourn me for a day or two, then move on

after all, isn’t a  thousand years just a short time for you guys?

seventeen years is even shorter


End file.
